McSweeney’s:

Is Your Child Practicing the Recorder, Or Are Winged Harpies From the Seventh Circle of Hell Tormenting You From Within Your Own Home?

As a Superhero Teacher, I Can’t Wait to Sacrifice My Unvaccinated Life for Your Child

Slackjaw:

We Are The Seven White Guys Without Masks In Your Tiny Little Airport

An Open Letter To Lysistrata Regarding Her “No Copulation Without Vaccination Campaign”

Help, I’m At My Son’s Baseball Game And I’ve Forgotten How To People!

Middle-Aged Erotica: Cataract Surgery

Is It a Global Pandemic Or Menopause?

The Belladonna:

Are You Parenting Small Children During a Pandemic, Or Are You Baba Yaga, the Ogress Who Lives In a Hut on Chicken Legs and Eats Her Victims?

We Must Put An End to Government Overreach, Which Is Why I’m Burning Down These Stop Signs

Female Empowerment Anthems, Rewritten for Accuracy

Widget:

If We Cancel Standardized Testing, How Will We Keep Poor Kids Out of College?

Points In Case:

Quiz: Are You Getting LASIK Surgery, Or Starring In A Cheap Porn?

Passages from My Nine-Year-Old’s Journal That Prove He’s Possessed by Walt Whitman’s Ghost

Robot Butt:

Thanksgiving Gratitudes from Our Family, a Pack of Alaskan Wolves

Member News Network:

Students Can’t Tell the Difference Between ‘Blended Learning’ and Orwell’s ‘1984‘

Jane Austen’s Wastebasket:

I, Baba Yaga, Don’t Know How Much Longer I Can Stay in this Chicken-Legged Hut with These Children

Greener Pastures:

I Cannot Control the Virus Variants, but I CAN Make You Change All the Punctuation In These HOA Minutes

I Am So Happy You Are Living Your Best Covid Life!

Wines that Pair Perfectly with the Fall… of Democracy,

Little Old Lady Comedy:

Lakeside Elementary Invites You Back to In-Person School!

bless this dishwasher

Frazzled:

No, In-Person School is Nothing Like Orwell’s 1984, Although We May Still Unleash Rats Due to Our Rodent Problem, Frazzled, April 2021

An Imagined List of the American Academy of Pediatrics Recommendations for Surviving Your Children During a Pandemic, Frazzled, January 2021

Sammiches and Psyche Meds:

Sorry, Kids, Santa Is Social Distancing this Year

2HoHoHo’s:

Can Someone Please Retrieve their Small Child Who Keeps Playing with the Weather Laser?

The Haven:

Quiz: Are You Ready to Reenter Society by Attending that Wiccan Séance?

Self-Published Humor Pieces

Happy birthday, America. Today you are 244 years young, which in country years makes you only 4. July, 2020

‘Til Death Do We Fart, June 2020

Apologies to All Witches, November 2019

The Real Reason Your Friends Post So Many Pictures of Their Kids Online, September 2019

Fair Shenanigans and Rogue Ferries, August 2019

Out of Gas and Cell Service On the Chilkat Pass, August 2019

Thunder, Lightning, and I Found My Spirit Animal, August 2019

Behemoth’s Maiden Voyage, Day 1: Wah, I Want to Go Home!, August 2019

Yukon, Here We Come! July 2019