Is it Possible to “Mom” Too Hard?

Is it possible to “mom” too hard? Momming too hard looks like being pulled between my desire to work additional hours, because it’s easier than breaking up yet another fight & unleashing my inner Krakken because they snuck into the chocolate once again and cracked the passcode on the iPad, versus the guilt I feel for preferring to work over spending time with them.

(Even as I write this, talking into my phone whilst hiding in the bathroom for one second of uninterrupted peace, my daughter is screaming “Mooooooooommmmmm!” because she can’t reach the cereal bars.)

When I had kids I quit my job, read all the blogs, nursed them each for three years, took them to stem and arts activities and kindermusik. We invented creative projects, and I hiked them on my front and back. When they dug their heels in i gave them options. I loved them so hard. Yet my children could still be unkind to others. We co-slept. We still do. And after sleeping 4-6 hours a night & practicing unlimited patience & psychological manipulation to the point of tears, my husband would come home from work and say “but I worked all day”. 

Out of sheer amazement for their intellect and creativity I almost homeschooled them, but decided that a crazy mom is a crazy kid; and so I compromised on charter school instead where I volunteer endless hours in their classrooms, and even drive an hour out of my way to get them an education that I feel better suits their needs. And yet they still frequently end up in the principal’s office. 

I have mommed so hard, and I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. And now I am just burnt out and look forward to Mondays when I can go to work to catch a break, because WORK IS A BREAK. 

I’ve taken on paid weekend trainings just for my own sanity and feel guilty the next day when my kids are tired or irritable at school. Probably because I wasn’t around the night before, I tell myself. 

Guilt or exhaustion. Those are my two options. And neither one seems to be making me a better parent. But work I can get trained for, and paid! And they give you really good snacks! And you can chew & swallow as quickly or slowly as you want, without having to make a mad dash for someone’s collar or fetch them a beverage or clean up a spill.

So can someone please tell me, where’s the paid parenting training? Because I think I’d like it to be retroactive. 

And more olives, please.