Is it possible to “mom” too hard? Momming too hard looks like being pulled between my desire to work additional hours, because it’s easier than breaking up yet another fight & unleashing my inner Krakken because they snuck into the chocolate once again and cracked the passcode on the iPad, versus the guilt I feel for preferring to work over spending time with them.
(Even as I write this, talking into my phone whilst hiding in the bathroom for one second of uninterrupted peace, my daughter is screaming “Mooooooooommmmmm!” because she can’t reach the cereal bars.)
When I had kids I quit my job, read all the blogs, nursed them each for three years, took them to stem and arts activities and kindermusik. We invented creative projects, and I hiked them on my front and back. When they dug their heels in i gave them options. I loved them so hard. Yet my children could still be unkind to others. We co-slept. We still do. And after sleeping 4-6 hours a night & practicing unlimited patience & psychological manipulation to the point of tears, my husband would come home from work and say “but I worked all day”.
Out of sheer amazement for their intellect and creativity I almost homeschooled them, but decided that a crazy mom is a crazy kid; and so I compromised on charter school instead where I volunteer endless hours in their classrooms, and even drive an hour out of my way to get them an education that I feel better suits their needs. And yet they still frequently end up in the principal’s office.
I have mommed so hard, and I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. And now I am just burnt out and look forward to Mondays when I can go to work to catch a break, because WORK IS A BREAK.
I’ve taken on paid weekend trainings just for my own sanity and feel guilty the next day when my kids are tired or irritable at school. Probably because I wasn’t around the night before, I tell myself.
Guilt or exhaustion. Those are my two options. And neither one seems to be making me a better parent. But work I can get trained for, and paid! And they give you really good snacks! And you can chew & swallow as quickly or slowly as you want, without having to make a mad dash for someone’s collar or fetch them a beverage or clean up a spill.
So can someone please tell me, where’s the paid parenting training? Because I think I’d like it to be retroactive.
And more olives, please.