We Must Put an End to Government Overreach, Which is Why I’m Burning Down These Stop Signs

Cheering parents watched as children tossed surgical masks into a fire outside the Idaho Capitol in Boise on Saturday as more than 100 people gathered to protest mask mandates as an affront to their civil liberties. — Washington Post, March 7, 2021

Citizens, we stand here today to demand that the government cease restricting our freedoms by forcing us to stop arbitrarily at stop signs. That is why I’m holding a “Burn the Stop Signs” rally here on the steps of our state capitol, despite the fact that authorities have made it very clear that open flames are not allowed on state capitol grounds.

Deaths by vehicular accidents in intersections are down, so I think that’s a pretty clear indication that it is now safe to resume driving through intersections without stopping. We need to establish a balanced government with well defined boundaries that does not force its citizens to half against their will at intersections. It’s annoying. What if I just don’t feel like stopping.

All of us, by nature, are free and equal, and have certain inalienable rights. It is the inalienable freedom of free will that makes this country so great. And yes, I know I said inalienable twice, and that was deliberate, because everyone here looks 1,000% white and inalien.

It is my free choice to decide when I wish to or don’t wish to stop. It is my free choice to call ketchup a vegetable, put dual chrome exhaust stacks in the bed of my truck, and listen to Nickelback.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration says that installing stop signs in intersections will keep us safe by avoiding car wrecks. What is safe, exactly? I mean, are we ever safe? I could get hit by a weather laser right here on the steps of the State Capitol. No one knows when their time is going to come.

Not to mention that stop signs are unnatural. Did God wake up on the sixth day and say, “Gee, I forgot to grow a stop sign”?

And how do we know that that’s not just a hoax that the Dems are peddling to line the pockets of George Soros? How do we even know that their so-called “data” isn’t made up, and that Nickelback is actually from Canada?

But why stop at stop signs? I mean, if signs work so well, then why do I have to wear a seatbelt? Like Ben Franklin once said: “Those who give up liberty to pursue traffic safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

And while we’re at it, let’s burn Wrong Way signs, fire alarms, fire extinguishers, warnings on household cleaning products, and criminal background checks for educators. This is not about safety, people. This is about social conditioning. Honestly, sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference this country and Nazi Germany!

Americans want to get back to work, quickly, without making random stops in semi-busy neighborhoods. It’s time we let our leaders know that we won’t stand idly by while they destroy our freedom to experience fatal car accidents. Because my rights to be a selfish jerk is more important than others’ rights to live.

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This post originally appeared on Belladonna Comedy