- It’s been a while since you visited the dentist.
- Some might say you’ve “let yourself go.”
- On a good day, you can engender the creation of a new life. On a bad day, your breasts swell like storm clouds.
- Your most important possessions are your stove, broom, and mop.
- You are the keeper and releaser of children’s souls.
- You prefer eating off the land and have recently taken up gardening. Only what you can grown, gather, or disembowel.
- You don’t know how much longer you can remain in forced hermitage with your small children before you end up eating them.
- People turn away in horror when they see your nose in public.
- You feed the whole world, but are yourself hungry.
- You just discovered 4,000,000,000 new gray hairs.
- You have no time for recipes. One-pot meals are where you’re at these days, preferably with bone broth.
- Your keen sense of smell allows for you to detect children, propane leaks, and shenanigans.
- The powers that be have imprisoned you with the beasts of your own making.
- You don’t know how much longer these legs can hold up before they buckle under pressure.
- You just want to be left alone.
Parenting small children during a pandemic: 1–15
Baba Yaga: 1–15
This piece was originally published on The Belladonna Comedy